Joy Diet Week 2: Truth
"But here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie."
Meredith Grey
Day One: Read the chapter on truth. Try to do nothing repeatedly and fall short. Decide that it is not my inability to do nothing but my fear of the truth that is holding me back. Allow this to be my truth for the day.
Day Two: Feel confident about uncovering the truth. Re-read the chapter on truth. Slip easily in to nothing while doing sitting meditation. Answer the prompted questions. Start to feel really icky and take a moment to decide whether or not I am ready to face the truth. Decide to persevere through the icky feelings. Come to the realization that I am responsible for my future. If I do not want to be a lawyer, I am going to have to do something about it. Sitting around and being miserable because I am not living my passions is unproductive and a waste.
Day Three: Feel really good about myself for the truth that I faced the day before. Decide that maybe that is enough truth for one week. Reevaluate and commit to facing moments of truth each day. Write down exhaustion as what hurts. Look at the reasons why I am so exhausted. Realize that doing 60-80 hour weeks has really put an emotional and physical drain on me. Also realize that I am using this as a coping mechanism. I do not really have to work this many hours. I choose to do it because I am getting something out of it. Namely, the ability to not have to confront painful emotions. Make a commitment to myself to lessen the amount of hours that I am engaged in activities.
Day Four: This truth thing is really working. I can see how much of an impact the first two days of truth telling has had. Mental health comes up while I am going through the questions. Normally I would just ignore it and pretend that everything is all happy faces. Instead, I decide to confront it and the stories I have been telling myself about my mental health. Come to realize that I think admitting depression is the equivalent to failure. Realize that underneath the facade of my public image, I am really hurting. Write it down in my planner pad as something to discuss with my doctor. Have a conversation with my inner lying scum bag and thank her for protecting me but ask her to help me get the help I need now.
Day Five: Decide to take a real hard look at why I haven't done anything about the future that I want to create. Look at my list of goals and create excuses for each and every one of them as to why they haven't happened and why I can not do them. Decided to turn each of these excuses on their heads. Realize it is not that I cannot accomplish my dreams, it is that I am so afraid of failure that I do not even start. Give myself a kick in the bottom by signing up for Mondo Beyondo.
Day Six: Start thinking about my healing and the way in which I approach it. Take a real good hard look at what I am doing and what I am not doing. Realize that over the past couple/six months I have been slipping back in to negative coping mechanisms and framing them in other ways. Link this to the negative tape that has been playing in my head since I was much younger Write out each of my defeating thoughts and then re-write them as positives. Realize how much my inner lying scum bag has gone out of her way to create excuses for negative coping behaviours. Vow to replace negative coping mechanisms with positive ones.
Day Seven: Feeling really positive and light after all of this weeks realizations. Decide to reward myself for committing to moments of truth. While doing my daily moment of truth, realize that I do not feel like I deserve to be rewarded. Press at this a little more and realize how this is linked to my self-worth. Dig a little deeper and find the circular tape that says "You are inadequate, you do not deserve good things." Write this out. Write out ten alternatives to this. Say these every time I find myself slipping in to the inadequate monologue. Reward myself with a pedicure and a trip to my favourite used bookstore.
This week has made me reexamine my relationship with truth. It has made me realize that even though truth does hurt, facing the truth is much better than letting the lies define us.
23 comments:
It was an incredibly long and difficult assignment wasn't it? Glad we perservered though...you are right the truth shall set us free!
Pink Heels says
Wow! What an amazing journey this week! You are very brave for allowing yourself to explore this emotionally charged exercise.
Lisa says
Congrats on your willingness to explore truth, sit with it, ponder it, write about it, and taste it. It sounds like there are many powerful changes on the horizon... I support you on your journey! Many blessings...
differenceayearmakes says
Really incredible! You did some great work this week.
Melita says
uncover a little truth everyday like martha beck said and eventually it will set you free. i think your journey is amazing. you have already uncovered so many truths. (and personally i don't buy into the fact that you have an inner lying scum bag side!) do what is your passion, even if it's only one small thing a day. eventually out of your truths will come your passion. live it and you will be free. major hugs for sharing your truths!! have a fabulous weekend!
Glad says
Sending you a big virtual **hug** for all the hard work you did this week. Wow - amazing.
Thanks for sharing your truths with us. It really does help me to see that I'm not alone in my fears, doubts, struggles.
Grammy says
Wow, You need a vacation. It was not till I could live in the moment. That I could find joy and happiness. You are amazing. And deserve a good reward.
Thanks for stopping by. See ya next week.
Karen D says
Thank you for so bravely sharing your truth this week. How great that you stuck with it and worked with it. I had some similiar experiences with my week, I almost felt like I was reading some of my own thoughts. May you find your joy and peace and always know you deserve it.
Kara aka Mother Henna says
Wow wow wow, what an awesome week of Truth you had! It really does flip me out that when we finally name the scary parts, we are empowered because then we can consciously rename them. I have appreciated Louise Hay's books for learning how to look at the tapes running in my head and then trying some other options! :) Here's to keeping on with this Journey...miracles! k-
Genie Sea says
Fantastic! Huge! Crucial! These are some potent strides you have made these week! Congratulations! You deserve many rewards and you will receive them :)
gemma says
I focused on the truths in my life that didn't hurt. Guess this will be an on going until I get to the real nitty gritty.
Good for you!
I like the layout of your blog.
Ginny says
I admire how you perservered through this exercise and how much you learned each day. You certainly earned your rewards at the end of the week. I hope that you enjoyed both rewards and will continue to take care of yourself as we move through this journey.
Kathy Crabbe says
Wow - your life is pretty intense right now! It overwhelmed me just reading about it! Glad we're on this journey together and looking forward to some JOY soon! Thanks also for popping over to comment on my Truth post too!
Sparkly Blessings,
Kathy C.
http://kathycrabbe.com
becky n says
Your week would leave any ordinary person exhausted! Boy, did you dig deep! Congratulations on doing battle with some of the darker meaner aspects of yourself and working on opening some windows of light. It's funny - the word that I have to enter below to get my comment to be accepted is suffi - close enought to Sufi to make me think of the quote from Rumi "Let the beauty you love be what you do. There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
Lucy Ladham-Dyment says
It hurts so , yes we lie OR keep quiet.
Great post.
Gretchen Wegner says
Thanks for stopping by my blog!! And for this blow by blow of your journey. Some of your truths helped me shed more light on mine. I love that learning in community has such a ripple effect.
Angie says
This was such a wonderful post, it opened up so many truths in me too, just seeing how you tackled each day so honestly, I think I will give this a try, write each negative thing which plays in my head and then examine it, respond to it in a positive way, finding the truths to them all.
Also thank you for visiting my blog and leaving sucha lovely comment, it means a lot to me, Angie:)
Fatma says
I love how you give us a daily version of your process. How wonderful to have ended with rewarding yourself. May the Truth always serve you!
Meredith says
I have been hoping that someone else (besides me) is delighted to meet the acquaintance of their lying scumbag. I have been living in such close quarters with her (intimate, really), and I have never really been willing to get to know her. She works so hard to protect me.
Expressive Hart says
I commend you for sharing all the details of your truth journey with us...the twists and turns that each day brings. The truth is we are so deserving of our heart's desire. I love it that you went for a mani/pedi!
Linnea says
Wow. You are the brave one, dear, not I! Your power and energy bursts forth from this post, and I adore the day-by-day account. I am proud of you for being kind to, but honest with, your inner lying scumbag (they're real tricksters, aren't they?). I'm glad the end of the week found you feeling positive.
And now we move on to Week Three. Onward and upward!
Sara @Soulspackle says
You really did some quite intense inner work this week, chica. You inspire me to make a deeper commitment to Truth than I've invested so far. Kudos!
kaileenelise says
you are amazing, my friend! i love your day to day run through and admire the work you've done with nothing & truth. i can't wait to read your next joy diet post... your words make me want to give another try with truth. xo, kaileenelise