Goodbye 2009. Hello 2010!
I have a confession to make to you lovelies. Although posts have been scarce around here for the past three weeks, I have written and deleted more than 20 posts. The scene unfolds in the same way each time: get idea for post -> write post -> edit post -> freak out about post being too negative or not in the spirit of this blog -> delete post -> feel frustrated for not producing any new content and repeat.
Today I stumbled upon my dogeared copy of The Joy Diet. When re-reading the Truth chapter, I was captivated by The Guest House by Rumi.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thoughts, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Sitting on my floor, with tears flowing down my face, I realized how detrimental I was being to myself by ignoring the negative and focusing solely on positive. Tears streamed down my face as I finally allowed myself to feel some of the feelings I had been holding in since before the Holiday season. Still on the floor, I grabbed a pink post-it note and wrote: "In 2010 I will tell my truth and not sugar coat it."
So here I am, embarking on a journey to tell my truth.
The truth is that I cried my eyes out through the countdown and in to 2010. I wanted so much for 2010 to be a new beginning and a fresh start. But about five minutes before midnight I realized that 2010 was a concrete measure that my friend was no longer here. She was here in 2009 and she will not be here in 2010. Her gravestone will forever be etched with 2009.
2009. The year so much changed in such a short time. The year I will forever look back on as one of the happiest and saddest of my life. The year that would take with it a beloved friend and two family years. A year that tested my strength and showed me that when push comes to shove, I am strong and I will survive. A year that saw me leave the love of my life and gain meaningful and loving relationships in real life and online. A year that taught me not to take for granted my physical or mental health and showed me the amazing and supportive people I have in my life. A year that shook me to the core and left me with fight and resilience. A year that taught me what it felt like to love, laugh and show joy. A year that changed me ignited my divine spark.
I am grateful for all that came with 2009 because I know it is part of the path that the universe has lovingly created for me.
Goodbye 2009. Hello 2010!
9 comments:
a new year is always nice because it's like a fresh start. i wish you all of the best in 2010 sweetie. this is going to be a very good year! hugs!!
Ellecubed says
Thank you for your lovely comment, Melita. I really do believe that 2010 is going to be an amazing year.
Pam says
Its okay to cry... I mean, I WISH I could have cried over the countdown, but i had to be strong for the kids. There were things I needed to mourn...but there are things that I look forward to too...
I look forward to hearing your TRUTHS too
kaileenelise says
wow. i'm so glad you have decided to open yourself up to truth & not sugar coat it when you're sharing with us. 2010 will bring great things for you. ♥kaileenelise
Analiese Marie says
I love your honesty. You are such a refreshingly genuine voice. Thanks for being you!
Ellecubed says
Thank you for the lovely comments...
Pam: Is there a way for you to create some sort of ritual so that you can mourn your losses in 2009 and honour the good things that are to come?
Kaileenelise: Thank you so much for the encouragement not to sugar coat things. 2010 will be great!
Analiese: Thank you so much for your kind words. I am happy to hear that my voice is refreshing and genuine :)
Kiki says
As painful as it was, I hope you felt that the tears offered you something of a release. And bring on the truth! We're ready for it - and ready to support your telling of it to.
So proud of you for putting this out there! What courage!
Carolyn says
I agree! What courage you have to put this out there for the world to see. I admire you for choosing to speak the truth, whether it's happy or not. That's life, right? We want to know how you're feeling, all of it! The good and the bad, my love. xoxo
TheAnalyst says
Accepting the negative is healthy, as long as we don't allow it to take us down a destructive path. We all experience bad times, but we need to use them as tools for learning. Sure it hurts...hell, it can hurt bad. But if we don't experience the hurt, how will we truly experience the happiness? How do you know what good feels like, if you never feel bad?